21 Funny Resume Stories

21 Funny Resume Stories 21 Funny resume stories we can all laugh at. Digg.com used to be a social bookmarking site with users (“diggers”) known for their funny comments. When the 150 Funniest Resume Mistakes, Bloopers and Blunders Ever became popular on Digg, 21 diggers had funny resume stories to share. On your resume, use funny with caution… In reverse order… 21) skaughtm i read a resume where the kid misspelled diploma as “dibloma”. now he's my boss. 20) amercer I interviewed a kid one time who had worked at Wal-Mart. His resume was just riddled with spelling errors and under Job Title at Wal-Mart he had put, “Night Stalker.” Needless to say he wasn't hired, but we kept an eye out for him… 19) MikeyTwit Years ago when I worked retail, I saw one resume come through from someone I knew in passing and DID NOT want working for us. I didn't have to worry when she put down past experience “stalking shelves”. Our shelves were safe since we never hired her. 18) belcorriko On a resume sent to me for a graphic designer position a few months ago: Burlington Coat Factory, Kansas City, MO January 2006 â€" November 2007 accesory's dept. Well, Basically i had my own dept. because i was full-time in the dept. everyone else quit because the sais i was challenging i put the buzzers on the purses stocked them organized the earings/braclets and etc. 17) scrotumbrau I once had someone include a story about a family of ducks that lived in his back yard and how he liked to watch them. The details he went into were beyond creepy. 16) Jessejb No Joke When my friend was applying at airlines for a pilot position I went into the file and added “being a flaming homosexual” “Traveling, Golfing, Tennis, Being a Flaming Homosexual, Scuba Diving” and he unknowingly sent it out to everyone… He got the job He still doesn't know. 15) freefoodisgood I used to be a cashier at a restaurant and we got hilarious applications all of the time. The worst had to be one submitted by the least educated person I have ever seen. The application stated she was a middle school drop out, was riddled with spelling and grammar errors, and in the references section, beside each name and under the “Time Known” column she wrote “in the mornings,” “mainly in the evenings,” and “all day” for her three references. 14) Khanvalescent On one of my past resumes, I was lazy and just used a Microsoft Word template. Part of it included an Objective heading and section. I planned to change the objective for each resume I sent out, tailoring it for the job. Anyway, so for the main version, I just entered “EZ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$” as the objective, figuring that would be jarring enough for me to change it before printing. Next day I had a total brain failure, and sent out about four copies before I remembered “EZ $$$$$$$$$$$$” was my objective. 13) Hangly I have a friend who used to register all his pirated software under the pseudonym “Ootag the Drunk.” When he sent his resumes out the fax software he was using attached his registration info at the bottom of each one without telling him. All his resumes said “From Ootag the Drunk” in the footer. I think he told me he got a job because of that. 12) alwilson I was interviewing cooks for a new restaurant we were opening. I was sitting at a table waiting for a 3:00 appointment to show up when this guy walks in, takes out his wallet and flashes it at me like it's some kind of badge. He says “I'm the health inspector and I need to speak to the chef!” I looked at him and calmly said “You're speaking to him.” His face went red and he says… “oh no, I was just joking… I'm actually here for a 3:00 interview. I suppose I just blew my opportunity?” I smiled and told him he was lucky that I had a sense of humor. I wound up hiring him. 11) david3704 Personal: “My family is willing to relocate. However not to New England (too cold) and not to Southern California (earthquakes). Indianapolis or Chicago would be fine. My youngest prefers Orlando’s proximity to Disney World.” 10) Nescirian I knew someone who got a very competitive job at Dreamworks after an interview. The thing that got him the interview was his description of his previous starbucks experience on his resume, including “Made, consumed and sold addictive substances to minors and adults”, “Translated confusing customer orders into concrete company jargon”, “routinely served as the face of a multinational corporation to the public”, “Distributed free donuts to all members of the DC police force”, etc. â€" Sometimes HR people have a sense of humor, and this can be what sets one resume apart from the pile. 9) VAXcat Reminds me of a big corporation I used to work at. Years back, the bought installed a high dollar, cutting edge resume scanner and mamangement system, to handle preliminary steps of resumes that came in from people looking for work there. It cost many thousands, and was touted as the ultimate labor saver. We noticed, though, after a few months, it was having trouble classifying people applying for computer related jobs at the company. Turns out that it was parsing UNIX as an abbreviation for attendace at the University of Nix…it wasn't properly noting anyone”s UNIX experience. 8) mdm05e A friend of mine, trying to get his first job out of college put Magnum Cum Laude…we have subsequently begun calling him Magnum 7) GeneHACKman This one I got a few weeks ago when reviewing internship resumes: (under list of skills) “I am fluent in the internet.” No, she did not get the job. 6) xtinamo I recently reviewed an application that gave the reasons for being fired from their last two jobs as “frequently on cell phone in front of my boss” and “forgot to attend a mandatory meeting.” I had to fight from laughing in front of him. 5) ZutroyZuuts A friend worked in Human Resources for a startup company. Back in 2001 some bright spark thought it would be funny and make his resume stand out from the crowdâ€" if he filled it out as if he were a terrorist and listed all the skills with weapons he had. I bet he thought he was hilarious and sure to get the job when he sent it in on Sept 9th. When my friend read it on Sept 10th, it was a little weird, but she shrugged it off. Then on Sept 11th all his jokes and innuendos were suddenly very frightening. But the joke was on that resume guy because she sent the FBI over to his real address listed on the joke resume. Moral of the story: Companies want to hire workers, not comedians. If you try and get the job through tickling their funny bones, the joke will probably be on you. 4) britblogger I'm a recruiter, and this was on a resume I received in response to an ad I'm running: Objective: To obtain a position within an organization in which both my fashion and administrative experience can be of great detriment. my entire office is cracking up. 3) maliburenter I once included a handmade clay model of a tech company's major product, modified so that looked like it was from the stone age. I sent it along with a proposal for a joint venture with my firm. I noted that the incredible pace of change would make today's model seem like a primitive artifact in a few years. Got an email from the president of the company, who was worth countless millions. He thought it was the greatest thing. Too bad the JV didn't work out. 2) RonnyN I received a: “consistently contributed to the success and failure of projects” on a resume once ?? 1) databeast My favorite ‘bad resume' was when we were looking for a new information security manager. One guy seemed to have a decent resume, showed he'd even supplied evidence to several federal cases in his time (though the resume was a bit pushy on pointing out how these were child porn cases a little too often we thought). He finished out by pointing out that he had a book published on the subject of digital forensics and evidence handling….so, we went to Amazon to check it out. ..and found 2 pages of reviews about how this book was the biggest piece of misinformed, poorly written garbage ever published in the field. We didn't bring him in for an interview. Moral of the story. Not all published work is stuff you necessarily want to brag about, especially in technical fields; in retrospect we'd have probably taken him more seriously if we'd found pictures of him downing jello shots in nude on myspace that we did after taking a look at his book. READ NEXT: Top 10 Funniest Job Horror Stories Have any funny resume stories to share? Is your resume a horror story?

8 Ways to Crush the Career Blues in 2019

8 Ways to Crush the Career Blues in 2019 As we enter the cold, dark and dreary winter months, finding the enthusiasm to power through work after all the festivities can make the rest of year seem particularly gloomy. In fact, NHS estimates that  one in 15 Britons  experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD) between September and April â€" a type of depression that is caused by a lack of exposure to sunlight during the darker winter months, although cold temperatures and weak daylight also  contribute to  this melancholic state. A survey by Bidvine last year found the top priorities for workers in 2018 included travel and getting a promotion or pay rise, followed by the resolution to improve mental health. In 2019 a YouGov survey revealed much of the same, with people looking to eat better, exercise more, care for themselves better, learn new skills and get a new job. With more employees looking to climb the career ladder in 2019, manage work-life balance and increase happiness, here are eight simple ways on how to crush the career blues with some positive changes, according to Instant Offices: 1. Ask for an Increase A TotalJobs poll of 5,000 people in the UK showed  68%  hadn’t received a pay rise or promotion in the last year, leading to unhappiness at work. If you’re committed to your job but need more to keep you motivated, it’s definitely time to stop stalling and ask for a raise. Don’t turn the conversation into an ultimatum â€" if you’re happy with your career but not the pay, make sure to communicate that clearly. 2. Find a Mentor Take charge of your career track this year by finding a mentor willing to share their insights and experience. In addition to guiding you on career growth and decision making, their constructive feedback can help you expand your skill set.  Fortune 500  companies understand the value of mentorship â€" 71% offer formal mentoring programs to their employees. 3. Get Involved in Teamwork Volunteer to take on a challenging client project or pitch internal projects with coworkers. Collaboration and teamwork can increase creativity, help strengthen relationships, create a more positive work environment and boost confidence. Some studies also suggest team partnerships can increase productivity at work. 4. Stay Busy Around  40%  of UK employees admit to being bored at work, and more than half think their existing skills are being wasted, according to a study by OC Tanner. Boredom at work is a significant source of stress and can lead to depression and disinterest. Ensure you take regular breaks during long tasks, but during quiet periods, keep yourself busy by learning a new skill or pursuing personal goals that can assist with your career. 5. Upskill Yourself Increase your value at work by learning a new skill. Research by World Economic Forum shows that over a third (35%) of skills that are considered important today will change in five years. 6. Use Vacation Days Perhaps you want to save time off for a long holiday later in the year, or simply feel you don’t have enough time for a break, but taking regular holidays throughout the year will help you feel refreshed, relaxed and more productive. 7. Prioritize Mental Health CIPD found 23% of British workers  feel their organization doesn’t take employee wellbeing seriously, yet more than a third of the UK workforce experience anxiety, depression, or stress. With this in mind, it is imperative to recognize the signs that your mental health may be under pressure and to ensure you de-stress regularly. 8. Step Out of the Office No more lunch at your desk in 2019. It’s not natural to stay seated for so long, and research shows Brits spend around nine hours a day sitting down at work â€" a sedentary lifestyle that takes its toll on our health. Reducing the amount of time you stay seated can do wonders for your productivity, as well as physical and mental health. Take charge of your happiness and be proactive by contributing to a work environment that sees you excel rather than be demotivated in 2019. About the author:  Established in 1999,  The Instant Group  is a global flexible workspace specialist. Underpinned by unrivaled expertise, Instant tailors unique solutions to help businesses of all sizes to grow, drive savings or gain invaluable insight.   With offices in London, Berlin, Dallas, New York, Hong Kong,  and  Sydney, The Instant Group employs more than 100 experts and has clients in 113 countries.

Mothers Day Gift Idea I Smell Great Products

Mothers Day Gift Idea I Smell Great Products Mothers  Day is just around the corner. Whether you have a fun  day  planned or just a relaxing mom-cation, the celebration is always more fun after with some luxurious primping. This year, treat your mom to some great beauty goods! Mothers  Day is just around the corner. Whether you have a fun  day  planned or just a relaxing mom-cation, the celebration is always more fun after with some luxurious primping. This year, treat your mom to some great beauty goods! I Smell Great was started by Randi Shinder in LA. You know Randi from popular products like CLEAN perfumes and Jessica Simpsons Dessert Beauty. For her next great endeavor, she teamed up with Jane Daly, a perfume industry aficionado, to create I Smell Great, with top-of-the-line fragrances, body whips, and more. The I Smell Great line comes in 4 amazing scents  of Wild Honey, Beach Babe, Candy Crush, and Angel Cake. I Smell Great also lets you create personalized fragrances by mixing and matching the 4 scents  above! Whether your are surprising your mom  or treating yourself, here are a few of our MCG favorites to help celebrate  your Mothers Day: Hair Fragrance   After the gym or while catching your next flight, your hair can loose its luster. The I Smell Great Hair Fragrance is a great pick-me-up while on the go. The product smells GREAT and is an easy spray-on. My hair felt soft and fresh; had great shine with no residue; and every hair flip left a nice, light, fragrance. Soft Body Whip This is, by far, my favorite product and scent. The soft body whip contains almond oil and Vitamin E, which are great at hydrating and moisturizing skin. After applying  the lotion, I felt like I was wearing  a silk glove. Even after 2 hours, my skin stayed soft and supple in the cold Chicago winter. The best part is that the lotion isnt greasy or oily after spreading; you doesnt  even feel like the product is there! The scent is also one of my favorites, Wild Honey. It is a sweet and delicate smell thats perfect for my Valentines Day plans! Wellness Water Mist This innovative product works as a hydrating body mist. The mist contains only the best ingredients, including purified water, aloe, and glycerin. After spraying the product, slowly spread it over your skin to feel the hydration. If you are a Chicago girl (or in another cold state), this product is definitely great for those cold, dry days. Just spray on after your shower and you are ready to go! The scent Beach Babe is another favorite. When smelling it, I imagined being on a California beach with lots of sun, a light breeze, while hanging out with my best friends. This isnt just a scent, but truly an experience. Eau de Parfum Perfumes are a staple in any girls Valentines Day plans. You want a perfume that is noticeable, without suffocating  your date. The I Smell Great perfume does just that. A few spritzes are  just enough to last a whole work day. The Angel Cake sent smells delicious, like smelling a fresh cake or cupcake with delicious icing.  The product come in really cute packaging that would make for a great gift for any age! The best part about all these products is the quality. I Smell Great team has curated 4 amazing scents using only high quality ingredients. Let us know if you have any favorites by leaving a comment below!

Must Do Activities for a Weekend in New Orleans

Must Do Activities for a Weekend in New Orleans New Orleans, Louisiana is an iconic city influenced by African, French, and American roots. It’s best known for its party city vibe during Mardi Gras and on Bourbon Street, but there’s much more to the city than that. How to Spend a Weekend in New Orleans Go to a crawfish boil The best (and cheapest) way to enjoy a crawfish boil is at a friend’s place. But if you don’t know anyone in New Orleans, you can always buy some at restaurants or order them to-go from vendors. Take a Bayou tour If you never leave the streets of NOLA, you’re missing out on half the city. Head to the swamps to see alligators, pelicans, bullfrogs, turtles, and more. You can even go hunting, fishing, or crabbing if you fancy it. Tour the French Quarter by foot Yes, this is the district home to Bourbon street, but it’s also home to magnificent architecture. From theaters, to churches, to courtyards, the French Quarter features buildings with purposes that vary as much as their influences, which range from Spanish, to French, to Caribbean, to American. Visit the Aquarium of the Americas It might sound underwhelming to go to an aquarium when you’re in a city as upbeat as New Orleans, but this is one of the top aquariums in the US. It features a walk through tunnel and a 400,000-gallon saltwater tank filled with stingrays and massive sharks. The Big Easy is about more than nightlife, jazz, and creole cuisine. These are all worth experiencing in their own right, but take the time to also appreciate the city’s softer side. First, take a walk and tour the Bayou. Then you can head to Bourbon Street. This guest post was authored by  Joseph Pineiro. Joseph Pineiro is a digital marketer at RoverPass, a free directory for RV parks and  campgrounds with over 10,000 listings. In addition to writing articles, he provides SEO and  copywriting services.

Tips For Writing A Good Resume

Tips For Writing A Good ResumeWriting a good quality resume is no easy task. With today's modern technology, the science of making a resume, is almost impossible. But don't give up hope because there are still some great tips that can help you when writing your resume. What you will find below are some great tips for writing a good resume.The first and most important step when writing a resume is to consider who the job is for. Who are you applying for? Are you trying to land a promotion? Maybe you are trying to land a job at a high-ranking company. The last thing you want to do is have your information pulled on if you are hiring or not.Focus on the company and do not let what you are applying for get in the way. A good idea is to focus on what you enjoy doing and where you would like to work. If you do not know what you enjoy doing you may end up doing something that you really do not like doing. And unless you are good at that, the boss will not be too happy with you either.Use yo ur personal experience. It always helps when you can tell your story from first to last. This is why you should put yourself in the interview. Find out how your personal experience with a certain position is going and what worked well. If it turns out to be bad, move on to another company.When creating your resume, make sure that it is very clear, concise and professional. Every word counts when it comes to looking professional and going over your resume with a fine tooth comb. Remember that employers will pay attention to this type of resume more than any other type.If you can answer the interviewer questions in a clear and professional manner, you will have less chance of losing out on the job and more chance of being hired. It is important to learn how to make your resume stand out from the rest. There are many good places online where you can find some great ideas on how to write a good resume.If you are unsure about the standards on internet resumes, go to our website and you w ill find out what is acceptable and what is not. You will find out the rules and regulations and follow them! This is the best way to find out if you are applying for a good job. Here you will also find some great ideas on how to make your resume stand out. You can start out by writing a good description about yourself and how you can add value to the company.Once you know what's good and what's not, you can take steps to make your resume as professional as possible. You can find some great advice online and take it and make your own unique style. It is good to know that you can use the Internet to help you with your resume writing and finding the right companies and positions to apply for. We believe in helping people find the right job they want.

Motivation Monday Im An Excellent Driver

Motivation Monday Im An Excellent Driver A favorite quote around our house is from Rain Man. Dustin Hoffman plays Raymond, an autistic savant, who frequently declares Im an excellent driver. And we all know how it goes from there- (hes NOT!) My family often uses this phrase when someone declares a fact that is unlikely true. This reminds me of a spin of my own personal experience and how determination can overcome almost anything. (Plus, just because someone says it, doesnt make it true!) Writer? Ive been told countless times throughout my life that I am a terrible writer. Really. And yet, I forge on. Please See Me! A message from my seventh grade teacher in big red letters glared at me on the top of my recently submitted poetry homework. What had I done wrong? This was poetry for heavens sake. Though she didnt come right out and say it, she was accusing me of either plagiarism or not writing the poem I had submitted. Pooh Sticks a sweet little poem was filled with alliteration and perhaps written in a style way beyond my years, therefore could not have been written solely by me. Report To the Writing Resource Center Fast forward to my first semester senior year in college and this lovely message prevented me from acquiring my class schedule. Amazing, since I was a humanities major and my sole purpose for choosing this focus was to develop stronger writing skills. What made this even more incredulous was the fact that I had made it this far in my college career without ever stepping foot in the writing resource center or any professors office to discuss my poor writing skills. Is English Your First Language? During my first real job with a large law firm in Washington, DC, the junior partner I was working for called me into her office. Read this, she said, as she handed me a copy of Strunk White. To soften the terse request, she followed up by asking if English was my first language. (English is my first language and I still havent cracked open that copy of Strunk White.) Dont Let Them Get You Down If I had taken all of this constructive criticism to heart, you wouldnt be reading this. If I had let the negative feedback deter me from writing, then I would have let them win. Determination, passive, and conviction drove those voices and words out of my head. Now, Im no Pollyanna. Im a realist. However, sometimes, you just have to tune out the bad stuff and focus on whats important to you. Whatever those negative voices in your head are saying. Whatever rejection or criticism youve received. Never let that get in your way of doing what you need to do or being who you want to be. Further proof that my writing doesnt really suck is the fact that the book I co-authored with Miriam Salpeter is coming out really soon! (Miriam is a great editor and super patient, by the way!) Stay tuned for more information! Image from Wikipedia

Do I need to send a thank you note - Sterling Career Concepts

Do I need to send a thank you note Do I need to send a thank you note? The short answer: Yes. And heres why: The biggest reason you should send a thank you note is not to thank the interviewerbut rather to capitalize onanother opportunity to reiterate your candidacy. Doing this well, though,requires much moresubstance thanthank you for taking the time to meet with me yesterday afternoon. It requires thoughtfully drafting a follow up to points discussed during an interview and/or reiteratingreasons why youre a strongcandidate for the position. The candidate who sends a well-written, compelling thank you note is putting his/her name in front of the hiring manager one more time. In this job market, it makes sense to do everything in your powerto stay ahead of the competition. Thank you notes area free opportunity tomarket yourself. If youre not doing it,someone elseis. Now I want to hear from you! What is the hardest part of writing thank you notes for you? Leave a comment below, and Ill address some of your concerns in a future post.